Feeling Lost in Motherhood: Strategies for Maintaining a Sense of Self
Many mothers experience feelings of being lost in motherhood. This is not surprising, considering that motherhood is incredibly demanding work. Women develop an identity over many years before having children. This identity is the person they know and feel comfortable portraying to the world.
However, motherhood requires selflessly focusing on the needs of another human who is completely dependent on the mother for survival. While this is a mandatory part of parenting, especially during the newborn through toddler stages, it can lead to feeling disconnected from oneself.
Parenting is particularly demanding in modern times, where parenting is not well supported by the community as many do not live close to family, and people are busier than ever. There are four main ways that mothers can prevent feeling disconnected from themselves in motherhood:
1. Lean into Support: Connect with Other Mothers and Accept Help
Motherhood can be a lonely experience. The daily demands of mothering can make it extremely difficult to reach out for help. Many mothers feel pressure to figure motherhood out alone, which can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation. It is important to remember that we all need support.
Connecting with other mothers who are going through similar experiences can provide a sense of community and understanding. Accepting help from family, friends, or a local parenting group can relieve some of the burden and offer the opportunity to recharge and reconnect with oneself. Open your heart to give and receive freely.
2. Have a Clear Understanding of Why You Want to Be a Mother
Purpose creates the motivation to do things that one may not otherwise do. Understanding why you became a mother can help you stay grounded in your identity and family values. How do you want your children to relate with the world? Reflect on what drew you to motherhood and the goals you have for your family.
This understanding can help you navigate parenting challenges with a clear sense of purpose and direction, making it easier to stay connected to who you are beyond your role as a mother. Purpose serves as the fuel of life—don’t forget to fill it up.
3. Accept that Mothering is a Part of Who You Are
In an individualistic culture, sacrifice for others is often seen as a loss. Since motherhood requires significant sacrifice, many may undervalue this role. However, accepting that mothering is a significant part of your identity can help integrate this role into your sense of self rather than seeing it as a loss of who you were before.
Recognize that motherhood can be an enriching and transformative experience that adds depth and dimension to your identity. Embracing this new aspect of yourself can reduce the feelings of disconnection and loss. You are not losing who you are but upgrading to become more of who you want to be. Mothers are exceptionally important, and our contribution cannot be undervalued. Welcome to this exceptionally powerful role as a world changer!
4. Avoid Comparing Yourself to Other Mothers
Having a clear idea of what type of parent you want to be for your family and what works best for your circumstances is crucial. Remember, comparison is truly the thief of joy. Looking at others can only give us a distorted view of our lives. We often see someone else’s highlight reel or a curated version of their life that they present to the world. When we cannot see the journey or trials that others have endured to achieve their outcomes—or the outcomes they present—we have a limited view of their lives.
Because we know the whole story of our own lives, we may often feel inadequate compared to the imagery of another person’s life. Comparison is not beneficial and can further lead mothers to feel disconnected from their own reality. Therefore, comparison should be avoided at all costs.
Overall, feeling lost in motherhood is a common experience but not insurmountable. By leaning into support, understanding your purpose, accepting the role of mothering as part of your identity, and avoiding comparison, you can maintain a strong sense of self while embracing the demands and joys of motherhood. Remember, motherhood is a journey that can enrich and expand who you are, not diminish it.
Don’t let outdated myths keep you from raising secure, confident, and empowered kids… Download our free guide, "12 Myths of Parenting Which May Cause Emotional Harm," to uncover the truth behind common parenting practices that may be doing more harm than good. This insightful resource offers powerful reframes and alternative approaches that honor you and your children, fostering healthier relationships and deeper connections in your home. Get your free guide now and start your journey toward more fulfilling parenting today!
Meet Your Author, Dr. Calvina Ellerbe
Dr. Ellerbe is an award-winning educator, TEDx Speaker, writer, parenting expert, and soon-to-be mother of six children who provide practical insights for parents to develop a fulfilling parenting experience. Her life's mission is to help parents thrive. Her motto is "If we heal families, we will heal the world."
READ MORE:
