Breaking the Cycle: My Journey from Pain to Empowered Parenting

Growing up as a child of parents who struggled with their own emotional baggage, my childhood was a battlefield of inner conflicts. My father, a man who believed in “tough love,” was repeating his childhood with the firm belief that harsh discipline was the path to strength. My mother, overwhelmed and burdened by the demands of motherhood, was distant and emotionally unavailable. She adored my older sibling but became increasingly overwhelmed by the time I arrived, leaving me feeling like an afterthought. I constantly sought their approval, chasing validation in any form I could find. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to measure up.

In public, my parents were the epitome of perfection. They spoke kindly about me to others, painting a picture of a loving family. But behind closed doors, their words cut deep, filled with criticism, undermining remarks, and sometimes, physical discipline that, while not overtly abusive, left its scars. The inconsistency between their public personas and private behavior left me confused, angry, and battling inner demons that threatened to consume me.

As I grew older, the quest for external validation became a pattern that seeped into every aspect of my life. I was always trying to please others, to prove my worth, to be "good enough." But no amount of praise or acknowledgment from the outside world could fill the void left by my parents' mixed messages. I felt trapped in a cycle that seemed impossible to break.

It wasn't until I became a parent myself that the true impact of my upbringing became painfully clear. I found myself slipping into old patterns, repeating behaviors I had sworn I would never inflict on my child. The fear of becoming my parents haunted me, and I realized that if I didn’t confront my past, I would pass these wounds on to my son.

I decided that I was too old to blame my parents anymore. The work needed to be done, not for them but for me and my child. I needed to heal, rewire my brain, and reparent myself before I could be the parent my son deserved. The journey was long, painful, and often lonely, but it was also incredibly rewarding.

The first steps of my healing began through therapy, but when I enrolled in the Jai Institute for Parenting coaching certification program, what I thought would be a simple educational process turned into a deep and transformative healing journey. The program forced me to confront the trauma and pain once again, and everything came to the surface. The first weeks were a deep healing journey that I will never forget. It helped me see how I had internalized my parents' toxic behaviors and how they were influencing my parenting.

Through the process of reparenting myself, I learned to give my inner child the love, respect, and validation that I had always sought from my parents.I learned to set boundaries—firm, unwavering boundaries that protected not just me but my child as well. And most importantly, I learned to parent from a place of love, connection, and respect rather than fear and control. But I learned how to do that by educating myself. Learning about the nervous system, the brain, and how it works was so exciting and it also gave me more knowledge for those tough days when everything is pulling you down to old patterns. 

Empowered parenting is about breaking free from the chains of the past and creating a new legacy for our children. It's about healing the wounds that were inflicted on us so that we don't pass them on to the next generation. My journey hasn't been easy, and it still isn't. There are days when the old demons resurface when the urge to revert to familiar patterns is strong. But now, I have the tools and the strength to choose a different path—a path of love, respect, and empowerment.

Today, my son gets to be raised by the new me—a mother who is strong, loving, and confident. A mother who knows her worth and doesn't seek validation from others. A mother who has learned to embrace her past, not as a source of pain but as a testament to her strength and resilience. My boundaries are firm, and my love is unconditional, both for myself and for my child. This is the gift I give to him, and it’s the greatest act of love I could ever offer.

The journey to healing and breaking the cycle of toxic parenting is ongoing. It’s a path filled with challenges, but it’s also one of the most rewarding journeys you can undertake. If you’re on this path, too, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to take it one step at a time. Your past does not define your future.

You have the power to create a new story for yourself and your children. You have the power to embrace empowered parenting. You also have the power to forgive your parents for what they didn’t know or didn’t want to change and still not allow them to spread their ways toward your family. You have the power to be the parent your child needs and simultaneously be the parent your inner child was always seeking.

Be brave and find other brave parents to create the right circle for you. Educating ourselves for the rollercoaster journey of parenting is the best thing we can do for our family and for the future. Let’s not forget that our children are the future. We have the gift of raising the future.

Meet Your Author, Maggie Pouplis

Website: bondingnest.com

Instagram & Threads: @bondingnest

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With over two decades immersed in the realm of communication, Maggie brings a unique blend of experiences to the world of parenting as a coach. As a devoted parent, she has personally witnessed the transformative power of empowered parenting, breaking cycles, and nurturing authentic connections. Her belief that every child deserves to thrive fuels her passion for coaching. She finds profound joy in guiding parents toward creating bonds that last a lifetime.