How to Have More Patience with Kids

As parents, we often focus on changing our children's behavior, and as most of us soon realize, there’s very little relief to be found there. That’s because true relief comes when we look at the real source of our impatience.

True transformation in how much patience we have begins when we turn the lens inward. The journey toward more patient parenting isn't about quick fixes or behavior modification—it's about personal evolution and understanding ourselves better. This is generally counter to what we’ve all been taught.

When we do the work from this perspective, we get to tap into a source of patience that doesn’t rely on outside circumstances for us to feel calm and present. Let's explore how developing true patience (the kind that doesn’t feel like white-knuckling it) starts with our own growth.

Understanding the Patience Paradox

The more we try to force ourselves to "be patient," the more elusive that quality becomes. It’s like being told to ‘relax’ when you’re feeling stressed. Not helpful. True patience emerges not from willpower alone but from a deeper understanding of ourselves and our triggers. The question of “How did I get here?” can hold the answer to “How do I get out of here?”

When we snap at our children or feel our blood pressure rising, it's rarely about their behavior in isolation. Instead, it's about our own emotional state, past experiences, and unmet needs—how we interpret their behavior.

The Mirror of Parenting

Our children often act as mirrors, reflecting back our own unresolved issues and emotional patterns. When we find ourselves consistently losing patience over specific behaviors, it's worth asking: What does this trigger in me?

Perhaps your toddler's defiance touches on your own struggle with control, or your teenager's emotional outbursts remind you of feelings you were never allowed to express as a child.

Pausing to ask yourself simple questions like, “Why does this behavior bother me so much? And where does that come from?” can help you identify what needs attention.

The Path to Empowered Parenting

Empowered parenting begins with self-awareness. Instead of viewing impatience as a character flaw, we can see it as valuable information about our inner landscape. 



Here's how to begin this transformative journey:

Recognize Your Emotional Heritage

Our parents' parenting styles shape our automatic responses to our children. If we grew up in an environment where emotions were dismissed or patience was thin, we might unconsciously recreate these patterns. Awareness is the first step toward change.

Create Space Between Trigger and Response

When we feel impatience rising, we can learn to pause. This pause isn't about suppressing emotions but creating space to choose our response rather than reacting automatically. Take a deep breath, feel your feet on the ground, and remind yourself that this moment, though challenging, is temporary.

Practice Self-Compassion

The path to becoming a more patient parent isn't linear. There will be days when we lose our cool, and that's okay. Self-compassion isn't self-indulgence; it's a crucial component of growth. When we treat ourselves with kindness, we model this same compassion for our children.

Understanding Our Window of Tolerance

At the Jai Institute, we know that understanding our "window of tolerance"—the zone where we can respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally—is critical to cultivating patience. This window narrows when we're stressed, tired, or overwhelmed. 

That’s why knowing when you’re approaching your limits will allow you to take proactive steps. Here’s what you can do when you’re getting close to the edge of your tolerance zone:

• Set Boundaries Before Breaking Points: Sometimes, the most patient response is to say, "I need a moment." This isn't failure—it's modeling healthy emotional regulation for your children. If needed, step away briefly, take deep breaths, or ask for help.



• Invest in Self-Care: Patience isn't an infinite resource—it needs replenishment. Regular self-care isn't selfish; it's essential for maintaining the necessary emotional bandwidth for conscious, empowered parenting. This might mean ensuring adequate sleep, exercise, quiet time for reflection, or any other activity that rejuvenates you.

Daily Practices for Growing Patience Through Mindfulness

Mindfulness isn't about achieving a state of zen-like calm in every parenting moment. Instead, it's about being present with whatever arises, including your impatience. When you can observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, you create space for more conscious choices in your responses.

Daily Practices for Growing Patience

• Start your day with intention, taking a few moments to center yourself before engaging with your children. This creates a foundation of calm to draw from throughout the day.
• Notice physical signs of rising impatience: tension in your shoulders, shortened breath, and a clenched jaw. These body signals can serve as early warning systems.
• Keep a trigger journal to identify patterns in what depletes your patience. Understanding these patterns helps you prepare for challenging situations.

The Generational Impact

When you do this inner work, you're not just becoming a more patient parent—you're breaking generational patterns and creating new possibilities for your children. They learn not from your perfection but from watching you navigate your imperfections with awareness and grace.

Redefining Success

Success in patient parenting isn't measured by never losing your cool. 

Instead, focus on:

• How quickly can you return to center after becoming upset or dysregulated
• Your ability to repair relationships with your children after difficult moments
• Growing awareness of your emotional patterns and how they affect your behavior
• The compassion you show yourself in the process

Remember that this journey toward more patient parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Each moment of pause, each conscious breath, and each repair after a challenging interaction builds new neural pathways and creates lasting change.

Sharing this journey with other parents can provide crucial support and perspective. Whether through parenting groups, trusted friends, or professional guidance, knowing you're not alone in this work can help you maintain a commitment to growth when the path feels challenging.

Next Steps

The path to patient parenting isn't about reaching a destination of perfect calm—it's about embracing the journey of self-discovery and growth. As you develop greater patience with yourself and your children, you create spaces for deeper connection and understanding. This ripple effect extends beyond your immediate family, contributing to a more compassionate and emotionally aware next generation.

By focusing on your own growth and understanding, being present to your needs, and meeting yourself with compassion, you will naturally become the patient parent you aspire to be. This empowered approach to parenting will transform not just your relationship with your children but also your relationship with yourself. In the end, that might be the most valuable gift you can give to both your children and yourself.

Remember: The goal isn't to be a perfect parent but to be a growing one. Your commitment to your own growth is already making a difference, one conscious moment at a time. 

If you’d like to continue exploring the world of Empowered Parenting, sign up here for our FREE mini-course, The P.E.A.C.E. Process. In a matter of days, you’ll have what you need to create more cooperation in your home, strengthen your relationship with your kids, and set limits, boundaries, and expectations that STICK!

Meet Your Author, Katie Owen

Jai Business Coach & Marketing Mentor

As a former practicing therapist turned copywriter and marketing strategist, Katie is passionate about the intersection of marketing and mindset. Katie embodies the practices of taking the simple actions, consistently over time, that create epic results.

A master storyteller, Katie works with our coaches to refine their message, increase their visibility and get clients!