Hack the Teen Years by Understanding the Teen Brain
Our culture has done a great job of vilifying teenagers. As I welcomed my first child with overwhelming joy thirteen years ago, I was swiftly warned by onlookers of the teen years that would come along and ruin my joy. I always thought it was strange that a parent would be forewarned of negative parenting years ahead instead of being allowed to simply enjoy it. This mindset is common in society because few understand the shifts that are happening in a teen’s developing brain.
Popular culture has misdiagnosed the teen years by focusing on raging hormones when the brain is taking center stage. Understanding developing humans will lead to nurturing more healed humans for generations to come, making the need to understand teenagers exceptionally important.
There are three main shifts in the teen brain that must be understood:
1. Teens experience greater connectivity in the brain during adolescence
Teens have an increased ability to process information because the brain is more connected than ever (Giedd 2015). This connection leads to faster and more communication between the brain regions.
This is good news; the teen years are preparing teens to be useful citizens of the world as they can process more information than they ever have. This should be remembered by parents.
Therefore, instead of assuming teens are "losing their minds," parents should recognize that teens are actually finding and exploring their cognitive abilities. It’s essential to support them in directing their newfound mental energy.
2. The opportunity for teens’ developmental changes is enhanced
The opportunity for teens’ developmental changes is enhanced as neurons that are no longer needed are being pruned (Giedd 2015). This pruning process allows the brain to become more specialized, helping teens focus on what is most relevant to their future.
This, too, is good news for parents as they can encourage their teens to lean into trying new things and help them develop clarity for how they want to contribute to the world — as this is the time to do it. This is a good time for parents to help teens develop a purposeful direction for their lives.
Unfortunately, teens are often told they have plenty of time to figure things out, which can lead to an underutilization of this powerful developmental phase.
3. Maturation mismatch leads to a need for risk-taking
The brain kick-starts puberty by triggering the hypothalamus to secrete a gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) (Siegel 2015). Teenagers are more likely than children or adults to engage in risky behavior, in part because of a mismatch between two major brain regions.
The teenage brain undergoes a unique phase where the development of the limbic system, which is responsible for emotions and impulsivity, is accelerated by puberty. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex, crucial for decision-making and impulse control, does not fully mature until much later (Griffin, 2017).
With this knowledge, parents must provide safe ways to take risks and avoid leaving teenagers to their own devices. Teens still need guidance, and with this dynamic cocktail of brain shifts, they may need you even more than before.
One reason why teens lean into risky behavior and present a frustrated demeanor is that we culturally provide very few healthy ways for teens to take risks. Without a clear way to contribute to society, teens often feel complacent and do not know what to do with their newly supercharged brains. Providing clarity and opportunities for healthy risk-taking can help teens feel more engaged and less frustrated.
I am happy to share that my teenager is thriving, and our relationship is incredibly strong. The dire warnings I received about the teen years did not predict my experience because I took the time to understand the teenage brain. This awareness has given me what I like to call “parental superpowers.” As a certified parenting coach, I know that parents can thrive alongside their teens by honoring their journey to adulthood and understanding the profound changes happening in teens’ brains.
Want to know how to build connections and communicate better with your teenager? Sign up for our free mini-course, "The P.E.A.C.E. Process," and discover the powerful strategies that can help you foster a stronger connection with your teenager. In five short training videos, you'll learn how to replace yelling and punishments with empathy and understanding while setting clear boundaries that stick. This course is designed to inspire joy and fulfillment in your parenting journey, and best of all, it’s completely free! Don’t miss this opportunity to create the peaceful family environment you’ve always wanted.
Meet Your Author, Dr. Calvina Ellerbe
Dr. Ellerbe is an award-winning educator, TEDx Speaker, writer, parenting expert, and soon-to-be mother of six children who provide practical insights for parents to develop a fulfilling parenting experience. Her life's mission is to help parents thrive. Her motto is "If we heal families, we will heal the world."
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