Conquering Mom Guilt: The Power of Embracing Imperfection

“Mommy, come play!” My three-year-old bellows from the other room as I try to finish up the dishes. Not now, I’m so tired. I think to myself. Between the dishes, laundry, work, the dogs, and two toddlers, I am so overwhelmed. The last thing I want to do is play with my toddlers at the end of another long workday.

One day, they won’t ask me to play, I think, and force myself to go be with my kids. But my mind is elsewhere; I’m craving space and wishing my kids weren’t so dependent upon me. I try to connect and be present, but it’s so hard when all I want to do is take a warm bath, watch my favorite TV show, and go to bed. Playing isn’t unwinding. It’s work. I can’t wait for the kids to go to bed tonight. I’m desperate for me time.

Immediately, I feel the mom guilt creeping in. Why am I feeling like this? Why is it so frustrating to me that my kids need me constantly? Why can’t I be like the moms on social media who are constantly playing with their children, creating fun activities, and homeschooling? I know those moms have trouble, too, but they make life look so easy and connection look so effortless.

The good news is that I’ve trained my entire life for these moments. Suck up those emotions, don’t let the guilt eat at you. Wait it out and distract myself.

Showing emotions is for the weak.

Good moms shove that guilt deep down and keep going.

You can do it. Just fake it until bedtime.

I want to raise kind, empathetic, and thoughtful humans. I want to make sure that I don’t repeat the mistakes of multiple generations that have come before me. I don’t want my kids to feel disconnected from me or, worse, obligated to visit me when they’re older. How am I supposed to raise children who visit me because they WANT to and confide in me because they know I’ll always have their backs?

Faking a connection certainly won’t help. Spiraling into mom guilt hasn’t done much good for me, either.

Thankfully, I became a certified Jai coach. I’ve learned that shoving my emotions deep within myself isn’t going to help. I’ve learned just how important it is to explore my feelings and connect with them. I need to allow myself the room and grace to dig deep and understand what is driving the feelings that I have. I am allowed to have feelings. I don’t need to bury them – and in fact, it’s GOOD to show my children different emotions. It’s good to work through them and show my children that we’re all imperfect and we all feel bad or sad or frustrated sometimes.

So I ask for a minute. I give the boys something to do together, and I sit down alone I allow my guilt, frustration, and sadness the ability to come to the surface. These parts of me are always with me. They just need to be seen and heard. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I picture these parts of me as if they’re characters in a movie. I watch them talk and ask them what brought them to the surface. I listen intently as my frustration tells me that he’s upset things aren’t running as efficiently in our house anymore because of toddlers. I listen to my sadness as she grieves for the life we had before children.

As I sit with my emotions and allow them the space they need to be heard, I can feel the tension releasing from my body. “It’s okay,” I whisper, “I accept you. You belong here. You make sense.”

Being a mom is a great gift, and sometimes, I lose myself in the world of parenting. Sometimes, I fall back on default patterns and push all of my feelings deep down until I’m about to explode. The truth is my kids aren’t the reason I’m frustrated and sad. The truth is that I sometimes lose sight of my own needs as a human being. I allow myself to be swallowed up in being a “good” mom rather than showing up as an imperfect human. I forget to honor my need for me time.

Recognizing this has given me newfound freedom. I understand that it’s okay to ask for space. Rather than waiting until I’m so overwhelmed with emotions that I can’t think straight, I was able to come up with a solution that has been so wonderful for my sanity and for my relationship with my children.

Now I Ask for Help

When I start to feel frustrated, sad, or overwhelmed, it’s okay to ask my husband to step in so that I can take a couple of minutes to myself. If I need a longer break, it’s 100% okay to hire a babysitter for a night out. I’m entitled to time alone with my husband, my friends, or even just myself to get a manicure or go shopping. That doesn’t make me a bad person; that makes me human. 

Reconnecting with Myself Brings MORE Connection with My Children

Making the effort to reconnect with myself and my needs has proven to be a pivotal step in enhancing my connection with my children. By acknowledging and addressing my own emotional and physical needs, I'm better equipped to be fully present and engaged when I am with my kids. Reconnection doesn’t just mean time alone; it also means reconnecting with my children in meaningful ways that don’t necessarily involve traditional play. We find joy in reading books together, exploring nature, and even doing simple chores as a team. These activities don’t drain me; instead, they replenish my energy and strengthen our bond.

By modeling the importance of self-care and emotional awareness, I’m teaching my children valuable life skills. They learn that it’s okay to express feelings, to take a break when needed, and to ask for help. This openness fosters a deeper, more authentic connection between us. It’s about quality, not just quantity, of time spent together that nurtures our relationship.

In this journey, I’ve realized that the perfection portrayed on social media is not the standard I need to live up to. Real life is messy, challenging, and beautiful in its imperfections. By embracing my vulnerabilities and showing my children the genuine aspects of human emotions and self-care, I’m setting a foundation for them to grow into compassionate, understanding, and self-aware individuals.

In the end, this journey through motherhood has become about finding balance, embracing imperfection, and celebrating the small moments that truly matter. It’s a continuous journey, but one that is incredibly rewarding. By giving myself permission to not be perfect, I’ve found a deeper sense of joy and fulfillment in motherhood and life. Allowing myself this time to embrace my emotions gives me a sense that I can tackle anything. The tools I’ve learned through Jai have taught me that I can address the challenges and embrace the ups and downs of motherhood without losing myself. Coaching myself allows me the space to dig deep into my emotions and provides me the knowledge that no matter what life throws at me, I can find my way back to center.

Meet Your Author, Manu Brune

Manu is a Jai Certified Parent Coach, founder of Beyond Birth Basics, and Program Operations Manager for the Jai Institute for Parenting. As a mom of two toddlers, she understands firsthand how important it is to be present for her family AND hold space for herself. Manu is passionate about helping other families find balance and delight in the toddler years. Manu resides in Columbus, OH with her husband, 2 boys, 2 dogs and 1 cat.