Connect With Compassion

When we're caught in the middle of a conflict with our kids, it often feels like a storm is brewing, and things can quickly spiral out of control. Our emotions are running high, and it's just not the right moment to make decisions or say important things. 

As parents, we might feel the urge to "teach a lesson" or stand our ground so our kids really get our point. We might even be tempted to shut down the conflict with a stern "because I said so, end of story." 

We all want to be heard, and our kids are no different.

But yelling louder won't help us understand each other better. Digging in and asserting our power won’t help build a stronger relationship with our kids or foster trust and intimacy. It will only lead to more disconnection, guilt, and disappointment.

So, what can we do instead? 

We can try to connect. Connection will guide us back to love and trust. Deep down, beneath all the conflict, we all have a longing to be heard, seen, and loved. 

As the adults in the relationship, we have the opportunity to lead the way towards everyone being heard and seen in their pain and finding a path forward together, rooted in love.

Remember, by prioritizing connection, we can navigate conflicts with compassion and create a loving, trusting environment where everyone feels valued and heard.

See the Pain Underneath Their Behaviors

Look below the words or behaviors. Even if the words are coming out as “I hate you” or your kid’s behavior looks really “ugly,” see if you can tune into their deeper pleas for love and connection. Look past the words and the behavior and turn towards the pain. See the pain. 

Try saying things like: 

• “I understand.”
• “I care about what you have to say.”
• “I am open to hearing your frustration.”
• “I trust that we will find a solution here.”

Once our nervous systems are calm and we are back in connection with one another, we can discuss what happened. We can practice the skills for communicating more effectively.