Worried About Your Child's Future?

Initiative. Independence. Responsibility. Fulfillment. 

While each of us comes to parenting with our own set of values and beliefs, there are some fundamental truisms that apply to the responsibility we have to raise children who are capable of dealing with the reality of life… 

Which is that sometimes it is hard. Sometimes, things don’t go our way. Sometimes, we fail and have to find the courage to begin again. 

It’s hard to watch our children flounder or to sit in the discomfort of the consequences of their actions, but it is vitally important to their maturation. Sometimes (and this is oh-so-hard when you are a loving parent who feels your child’s pain), the best thing we can do for our children is to… let them fail and figure it out. On their own. 

Ouch. 

If you’re like me and want to raise children who are strong and resilient, then you get to give your children opportunities to gain strength and resilience. 

These moments shape our children’s future ability to navigate challenges and setbacks. Because the truth is, we can’t protect them from broken arms or broken hearts forever. 

We can only trust that they will grow back stronger from the experience. 

Help Build Decision-Making Skills

When your child is engaging in a risky activity, before you immediately react and stop them (with your beautiful, loving, and protective intention), stop for a moment if you can. Take some breaths.

Ask yourself: Is there an opportunity for my child to learn and grow in this risk?

How can I support them instead of preventing them because I am afraid? To be clear, we are not asking you to be permissive here. We are asking you to consider how you could support and guide your child in becoming their own empowered decision-maker. 

Let’s explore some examples and ideas to bring this to life. 

If your young child is climbing a structure or object that you feel is risky, consider: 

• Is my child in immediate danger? If so, calmly guide them down or move them down. Breathe through your fear before responding. And then invite some curiosity. What were they hoping to accomplish? Is there another kind of climbing activity they can practice some skills on that is more appropriate? How could they practice these skills they are looking to build?

• If the child is not in immediate danger, try asking them questions like: “Do you feel safe and sturdy climbing here? Are you holding on tight?” Can you “spot” them by putting your arms up and being there if they fall? Explain what you are doing: “I am spotting you as you practice your climbing skills.” Encourage them: “I see you taking your time, noticing where to put your feet and hands. That is a great way to stay sturdy and balanced.” 

If your child is older and is considering engaging in a risk: 

How can you support them to make their own decision instead of discouraging or forbidding them because of your fear? Can you invite curiosity? Can you invite connection and empathy by sharing with them a story about yourself at their age when you made a similar decision and what happened? Can you help them find their voice and discernment? Can you offer practice opportunities? 

If your child is older and has already done some risk with a consequence: 

Be with them through their natural pain. Instead of shaming them or making them feel extra awful (which prevents learning), see if you can get some space to invite curiosity. See why they made the choices they did. What was their intention (note: it was probably really beautiful and filled with goodness) and see if you can support them in making a better decision next time that both addresses their beautiful intention and includes working towards the skill they were lacking or not confident in (i.e., communicating boundaries, etc.)

Risk and failure help us learn and grow. We don’t want to create fear of failure in our kids because they will learn to limit themselves from getting out into the world, taking risks, and growing.