Why It's a Good Thing to Make Mistakes in Your Parenting

“Even mommies make mistakes.”

When my kids were little, one of our favorite books to read together was “My Mama Says There Aren't Any Zombies, Ghosts, Vampires, Creatures, Demons, Monsters, Fiends, Goblins, or Things.”

That line was the refrain, and in full disclosure… I STILL say it to them when I forget to send in the health form or call the insurance company.

As we practice welcoming more unconditional love and acceptance into our family’s culture, we can notice how we offer ourselves that same love and acceptance.

When we “mess up” in our parenting, we can notice how we respond to ourselves.

Where are we using the same shame, punishment, fear, and control on ourselves that we are trying to avoid with our kids?

When you make a mistake, do you shame yourself with words like: “I know better. Why can’t I get this right”? Do you punish yourself with words like: “I am unfit to be a parent. Everyone else does this better than me”?

As we strengthen our muscles for Empowered Parenting, we experience a parallel of learning to love ourselves and our children at the same time. We practice Empowered Parenting inside of ourselves with our own inner children, the young and tender parts of ourselves who are seeking love.

The more we strengthen our inner parent (like the way we talk to ourselves when we “mess up”), the more we strengthen our parenting to our own kids.

We can only offer what we have received ourselves.

I Hold Me Before You

Next time you make a mistake in your parenting, try this.

Once the mistake is made and the emotional wave has crashed (you know, that point when the guilt starts to creep in), stop and close your eyes. It’s time to hold YOU before you hold them. Wrap your arms around yourself if it feels good. Give yourself some love.

• Get curious. Why did you do what you did? Can you see your underlying needs behind the behavior that was a “mistake”?

• Offer yourself compassion. Try saying: “It makes sense I did what I did because I was feeling _______ and longing for ________.”

• Can you love yourself here in your vulnerable, tender longing? You can say “loving me here” if that feels supportive.

Let that love fill your whole body up. It might even bring you to tears to be seen and loved by yourself in this way.

And then forgive yourself—really forgive yourself. See if you can envision what you could do differently next time to express your feelings and longings. Breathe into that beautiful vision without shame. You are on your way, doing the work towards it every day. Give yourself that encouragement and hope.

Offer acceptance. You can say, “I accept this, and I can handle it,” and breathe. Open your eyes, returning to reality.

And then go work that repair magic. Feel the difference.