How to Raise Confident Kids

The benefits of building self-confidence cannot be overlooked. Recent research has shown that confident individuals tend to succeed both socially and professionally (Orth and Robins, 2022).

When people think positively about themselves, they are more likely to adapt to difficult situations and manage stress, improving overall mental health. These findings provide important insights into why our self-image is important to our overall well-being. 

Unfortunately, there is cause for concern as we have entered a confidence crisis. The experience of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and lack of confidence has become largely ubiquitous.

While people have gotten particularly skilled at presenting a desirable image of themselves through social media, very few people feel good about who they are when no one is watching. Even hearing a compliment can make many of us feel uncomfortable as we struggle to see the beauty in ourselves.

This issue seems to plague all of us, but there is a solution that can often be overlooked, and parents take center stage. Parents can be the resource that turns the tide for the next generation. 

There are three main ways that parents can raise confident kids:

1. Be An Example of Confidence

I meet many parents who voice concerns about their child’s confidence. They often seem genuinely surprised that their children are struggling, especially since they tell their children how much they value them daily. The frustration parents are experiencing is understandable, but there is an awareness that many parents overlook. Children learn from what they see and experience more than what they hear. The best way to raise confident kids is not to constantly tell them to be confident but to model confidence. 

As a parenting coach, I pay close attention to parents with the goal of looking for ways to improve their children’s lives. I often notice that the same parents who are concerned about their children’s confidence also struggle to be confident. I compliment people often, and many parents often qualify any compliment by pointing out something that is not good about themselves. I see them consistently talk about losing weight or not liking the way they look. Parents must be aware that children will develop their self-talk by listening to how their parents talk about themselves. Therefore, being a healed, self-loving parent will directly impact your child’s confidence.

2. Judge Children’s Behavior, Not Their Character

Children will present challenging behavior that frustrates parents. In those moments, it is imperative that parents avoid using words that suggest that the child is a problem or somehow deficient in their character. Words like manipulative, bad, hard-headed, rebellious, difficult, etc. should be avoided. These words are conclusions and leave little to no room for improvement or hope. Instead, choose words like overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, and needing connection, to describe children’s behavior to name a few. These words leave options for improvement and self-development.

This helps build our children’s confidence as they learn that their behavior does not define their character. They learn that they can be vulnerable without being judged.

3. Let Kids Make Mistakes!

Overparenting has largely become the norm. Parents struggle to allow children to figure things out without their constant input. The moment children seem bored, so many parents jump in to supply electronics or rush to fill the time for them. Watching our children struggle can feel like torture to many of us. Avoiding risks or discomfort for our children often sits at the forefront of our minds. Parents must realize that the ability to make mistakes and learn from them is part of the basic fabric of life. 

When children are not allowed to make mistakes, they begin to think that they are not capable. While a parent's intention may be to minimize their child’s discomfort, the unintended consequence is that they often lack confidence that they can overcome uncomfortable situations throughout their lives.

I want to encourage parents to realize that for a child, making mistakes with you is the safest place in the world. Mistakes as a child often have fewer consequences than in adulthood. If they break an egg in the kitchen, everyone will live. If they struggle to write a paper, encourage them and let them keep trying. Let them struggle with boredom, and their creativity will develop.

Raising confident children will turn the tide on the lack of confidence epidemic that plagues many of us. While moments of questioning or self-evaluation are normal and even healthy, we can raise children who enjoy an overall sense of peace within themselves. Raising confident children is not only possible but likely when we follow these simple tips. 

Meet Your Author, Dr. Calvina Ellerbe

Dr. Ellerbe is an award-winning educator, TEDx Speaker, writer, parenting expert, and soon-to-be mother of six children who provide practical insights for parents to develop a fulfilling parenting experience. Her life's mission is to help parents thrive. Her motto is "If we heal families, we will heal the world."

http://ellerbeessentials.com