A Father’s Vital Role in Teaching Children Empathy and Emotional Intelligence

Although research about early childhood development is mainly conducted on mothers and their maternal effects on children, science’s findings on fathers and their influence on children’s social, cognitive, and emotional development show nothing but incredibly impactful results.

How close and present a father is in his child’s life is directly associated with positive outcomes for the child and their social and cognitive development, including lower rates of psychological and behavioral problems, better cognitive and emotional development, and educational achievement. 

“Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections with peers.”

Even one on one father-child play in early childhood development reaps many benefits for social and emotional development and learning how to regulate feelings and behaviors. An example of this could be roughhousing or safe-risky play, where the child learns how to control their emotions and impulses. 

When fathers actively participate in their children's academic journeys, they instill a sense of value and motivation, leading to enhanced educational outcomes. By offering intellectual stimulation, fathers inspire curiosity, critical thinking, and creativity, which have far-reaching effects on their children's cognitive abilities and lifelong learning potential.

Overall, a father’s active involvement in their child’s early development leads to more self-control, self-regulation, independence, achievement, and secure attachment in the child later in life and throughout adulthood.

The Importance of Modeling Empathy and Emotional Intelligence as a Father

Research on parenting and childhood development suggests that both mothers and fathers play crucial roles in fostering empathy in their children. While mothers traditionally tend to be more involved in caregiving activities, fathers’ involvement and the quality of their interactions are equally important. 

When a father has a stronger capacity for empathy in parenting, which in neuroscience can be modeled as a greater connection to the prefrontal cortex (mPFC), they build greater bonds with their children:

“Stronger father-infant bonding was reported by dads with greater mPFC-precuneus [the area of the brain involved in self-referential processing, imagery, and memory] and superior parietal lobe connectivity. Importantly, increased supportive and positive parenting behavior was correlated, again correlated with mPFC and LOC connectivity…”

“Greater resting state connectivity of the mPFC and LOC was associated with increased reported empathy during pregnancy, subsequent stronger bonding, and more effective parenting.”

It makes sense that when our children feel more connected, safe, and open with us, they’re much more likely to listen to our advice, lessons, and limits.

Especially for fathers who are traditionally more concerned with achievement, leadership, and protection of their children, showing empathy and emotional intelligence provides a different experience for a child than receiving the same from a mother figure, who is traditionally more involved in caregiving and more emotionally-based support. When a father’s role incorporates the same teachings into more protective and leadership-focused ways of teaching children, it makes the experience of learning emotional intelligence and empathy all the more powerful for the child.

The Benefit of Empathy from Fathers

Fathers aren’t just helpers for mothers or simply their child’s playmate, whatever myths there may have been to the contrary. Fathers have an incredible role to be extremely present, supportive, and protective in influencing their children’s lives.

When fathers practice tuning into their child’s feelings, needs, and the reasons behind their behaviors, it contributes to children’s increased social-emotional competence and fewer behavior problems. As previously mentioned, the more involvement and emotional capacity a father has to give to his child, the more benefits for the child’s development.

Teaching children empathy and emotional intelligence is one of the most valuable teachings a parent can give a child, so when both caregivers in the home work together to exhibit these traits, it provides an enriched social-emotional learning environment for a child.

5 Ways that Fathers Can Be Effective Teachers of Empathy

Along with all of the above reasons why fathers are powerful teachers of empathy and emotional intelligence, here are five ways that a father can effectively teach children these valuable life skills:

1. Emotional Expression

Fathers can openly express their own emotions and discuss them with their children. By demonstrating a range of emotions and explaining how they feel in different situations, fathers can help children understand and label their own emotions.

2. Active Listening

Fathers can practice active listening by giving their full attention to their children when they express their thoughts and feelings. Active listening involves maintaining eye contact, providing verbal and non-verbal cues showing engagement, and asking open-ended questions to encourage children to share more.

3. Validating Feelings

Fathers can validate their children's feelings by acknowledging and accepting their emotions without judgment. They can reassure their children that it's okay to experience different emotions and help them understand their feelings are valid.

4. Perspective-taking

Fathers can encourage their children to consider the perspectives and feelings of others. This encouragement can be done through discussions about different situations or by asking questions that prompt children to imagine how others might feel in specific circumstances.

5. Acts of Kindness and Compassion

Fathers can demonstrate empathy by engaging in acts of kindness and compassion towards others. These acts can include volunteering, helping a neighbor or a family member in need, or engaging in community service activities together with their children.

Fathers, as compassionate listeners and caregivers, create a secure emotional environment that allows children to express themselves freely. By encouraging open communication, fathers establish a foundation for their children's emotional resilience and self-expression, facilitating the development of healthy coping mechanisms.

It’s no doubt that fathers play a critical role in fostering the overall well-being of their children. By modeling empathy, providing emotional support, promoting healthy social skills, and nurturing cognitive development, fathers leave a positive mark on their children's lives, equipping them with the necessary tools to thrive in a rapidly evolving world. Embracing and celebrating fathers' multifaceted contributions is crucial for our children's healthy development and future success.

If you’re a dad who is taking a more peaceful approach to parenting, you’re not alone, and we commend you this Father’s Day (and every day!) for taking the leap to parent in a different way. We recognize you for being an incredible dad and raising happy, emotionally intelligent, and kind humans.

To see how other fathers are applying the transformational parenting work they’ve learned here at Jai, watch this video. As one of our dad Jai Parenting Coaches, Roman Wyden, says, “Men are the leaders who go first, and that is what made me commit to Jai.”

We need more dads supporting other dads in parenting in a different, more peaceful way. If you’re a dad wanting to start on this peaceful parenting journey or a dad who wants to guide other parents in this work, learn more about becoming a parenting coach and the ways it can transform your connection with your own children while helping others do the same!

Meet Your Author, Sonja Starrick

Sonja Starrick is a content strategist and writer for the Jai Institute for Parenting. With her passion for psychology and relationships, Sonja brings her love for personal growth and transformation to her work at Jai through videos, articles, and social media.

In her free time, Sonja can be found writing, creating, and getting in nature.