I've always been drawn to the wisdom of quotes. They have this uncanny ability to inspire and motivate, don't they? One that's really resonated with me is "Aut inveniam viam aut faciam," which translates to "I shall either find a way or make one." It's become kind of my mantra—whenever life throws a curveball, I'm determined to find my way through.

One major curveball was when our oldest child was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes ten years ago. It hit us like a ton of bricks. But instead of crumbling, I went into overdrive, absorbing everything I could about managing diabetes. I became a bit of an expert, always armed with questions at every doctor's visit and even getting certified as a Health Coach. My mission? Ensuring our son stayed healthy and happy, no matter what.

But alongside the stress of managing diabetes came this overwhelming wave of grief. Our family dynamic shifted, and suddenly, everything felt different. Our son had a life-altering illness. Our carefree life was over as we knew it. Our 5-month-old baby no longer had the calm environment he counted on for comfort. I couldn’t even produce milk to feed him. To say it was overwhelming is undoubtedly an understatement. And I was so focused on being the perfect caregiver that I neglected my own emotional well-being.

Fast forward, and I'm happy to report that our son is doing great. But despite his health being on track, our family still felt a bit off. Our youngest was struggling with emotions, and the overall family dynamic was toxic. Turns out, ignoring all that stress and grief had taken its toll. Parenting became a struggle, and happiness felt out of reach.

That's when I received the opportunity to join The Jai Institute team. Surrounded by a supportive community of women, I finally felt like I was in the right place. And as I soaked in Jai's philosophy, it hit me: I needed to heal myself before I could help my family heal. I enrolled in Jai’s Parent Coach Certification program, and my only regret is that I didn’t realize it sooner.

You know the saying, “I wish our kids came with an instruction manual!”? Well, I found it. Funny enough, it wasn’t about parenting my kids at all. It was about rooting in our family values to set boundaries and provide opportunities for natural and logical consequences. It was about understanding a child's development and setting proper expectations around those guidelines. It was about getting curious about their behaviors and how best to support them in the messy parts. It was about me facing my demons, understanding and regulating my nervous system, and learning how to show up as the mom my kids needed.

It wasn’t easy. Confronting years of pent-up stress and trauma was challenging but so worth it. One of the biggest realizations? My body had been stuck in fight-or-flight mode for years, and it was affecting everything – from my relationships to my own mental health. And, because our children co-regulate with us, they, too, were in fight-or-flight. 

When you're stressed, tired, and frustrated, your nervous system is in a constant fight-or-flight pattern. Parenting, let alone doing anything, becomes exponentially more challenging. I wasn’t showing up in a way that allowed my kids to feel safe in our connection, for my husband and me to grow in our marriage, or for my friendships to flourish. Vulnerable share: Yelling and anger were the norm. I felt everyone hated me. I hated myself. No wonder life was hard.

So, I made some changes. I removed yelling from our home. I focused on staying calm and present, even when things got chaotic. I modeled it until it became the new norm. I worked on being mindful of my feelings and supporting my kids in being mindful of their own. I started to get curious about their behaviors, what was happening for me that might be triggering my reaction to them, and what need was not being met for them. I became aware of how desperately they needed me to be their calm. 

And you know what? It worked. Slowly but surely, our home started feeling like a safe, happy place again. It's been quite the journey, and I feel like a work in progress. Through it all, I've learned that healing starts from within. When you treat yourself better, you behave better, show up better, and parent better. Thanks to Jai, I am armed with that knowledge and ready to tackle whatever comes my way. As Seneca said, "Aut inveniam viam aut faciam." I'll find a way, no matter what. I’m just relieved I now have a healthier way to accomplish it.

Meet Your Author, Heather Cook

Heather is a Certified Parent Coach with The Jai Institute for Parenting, a Certified Health Coach with the Dr. Sears Wellness Institute, the founder of Lotus Executive Solutions, LLC, and the Business Operations Manager at Jai. She calls New Hampshire home and is passionate about personal growth. She is dedicated to helping others and finding joy in family time with her husband and two boys. Heather's journey is about embracing progress and guiding others on their path to fulfillment.